he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
