It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
