somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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