Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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