with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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