he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
