Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
