can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
