Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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