I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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