so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
