Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
