Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
