my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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