On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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