Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
