Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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