5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
