"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
