I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
