that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
