wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone