It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
