someone get that fucking seahorse.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
