also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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