so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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