I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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