I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
