Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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