he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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