So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
