..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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