Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
