Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
