i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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