Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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