You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
