I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
