She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
