someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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