Cold hands, warm shart.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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