It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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