I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
