We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
