im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
