Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
