im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
