I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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