the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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