so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
