The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
