Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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