you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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