I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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