$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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