I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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