your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
