it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
