I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
