I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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