I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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