ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
