grandma shit on top of the toilet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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