I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
