Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
