You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
