I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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