I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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