Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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