It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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