Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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